


New Beginnings

by lonelysector23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 16:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11718045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelysector23/pseuds/lonelysector23
Summary: **Follow-up to "Words Left Unwritten"**Cullen recieves a report and a package from Lily.





	New Beginnings

Cullen was quickly making his way through the main hall, wanting nothing more than to reach the quiet space of his tower. Maker, it wasn’t even noon yet and his head was already killing him. The throbbing ache probably wouldn’t have bothered him as much if he had gotten some sleep the night before instead of working on reports, but he didn’t, and now he would have to endure the pain that would undoubtedly grow in intensity as the day went on. It seemed another sleepless night awaited him. He weaved around the small groups of chattering nobles, acknowledging whatever greeting he received with a curt nod. Their incessant prattling made the pounding pain in his skull even worse. 

He decided to spend the rest of the day in his tower since he had managed to get some of the more important things done that morning. There was a growing pile of reports on his desk that needed his attention and he couldn’t help but feel he was behind on his work despite working through the night.

Training the new recruits that morning had been especially difficult - most of them didn’t know how to properly hold a sword, much less dodge incoming attacks and the dull, persistent throbbing at the base of his skull was not helping matters. Thankfully, Cassandra had been around to help during the last few hours, and even offered to take over the last half hour of training when a messenger informed him he was needed in the War Room.

It had been a short meeting. News had arrived from the Emerald Graves - a brief note from Lily confirming Fairbanks’s claims about the presence of red templars throughout the area and a few reports from Leliana’s scouts summarizing the Inquisition’s activity. Some new plans and supplies for completed requisitions had also arrived, and he decided to deliver them to Harritt himself since he wanted to check on the new weapons for the recruits before heading back to his office.

Cullen ran a hand through his hair as he opened the door to the rotunda. He couldn’t help but feel slightly worried upon reading Lily’s note. He knew the feeling was ridiculous - he had seen with his own eyes how she had fought against the swarm of red templars in Haven, after all. She knew how to handle herself in the field, was improving with every training session with Cassandra, and was also in the company of skilled, experienced companions. But still… the idea of her being in the same area as those corrupted templars left him uneasy. Her last encounter with them had led to a confrontation with Corypheus and a possible Archdemon, for Maker’s sake. She had almost been taken from from him - _from the inquisition_ \- before their work had ever truly begun.

The image of her still body lying in the snow after she escaped Haven flashed through his mind and he quickly shook his head, forcing it away. The terror he had felt upon finding her was something he would rather not dwell on. She survived, she was _here_ , and he would do  everything in his power to make sure the events in Haven did not happen again. He winced as the throbbing in his head worsened with the sudden movement and suppressed a groan as he rubbed the back of his neck.

He quickly made his way through the rotunda and yanked the door open. The bright sunlight made him wince and he shielded his eyes from the light reflecting off the stone as he continued to make his way to his office.

“Lights glow through windows in the dark, amber dulled by shadows, hand tightening in pain, but always golden. What can I do?”

Cullen startled and quickly turned, wincing once more at the increased pain from moving so quickly. Cole stared at him, sitting on the ledge of the stone bridge and faintly swinging his legs in the open air.

“You’re hurting. She doesn’t want you to hurt.”

Cullen gaped at him, his mouth hanging open as he tried to figure out what to say. He still wasn’t sure what Cole _was_ , exactly - but he proved himself to be trustworthy on numerous occasions despite the strange things he has done around Skyhold, like throwing turnips into the fireplace. The smell had even reached his tower.

He was trying to make sense of Cole’s words and was failing miserably. What - and who - exactly was he referring to? Cole’s large blue eyes bore into his, almost as if he could see into his very soul. Cullen shifted uncomfortably as he looked away and dragged his hand down his face, frustration getting the best of him at that moment.

“Cole, I -” he stopped short when he noticed the strange boy had disappeared.

An annoyed sigh escaped him as he turned and climbed the steps to his office. It was blissfully quiet and dark inside and he immediately felt his body slowly begin to relax as he walked to his desk. The waiting stack of reports had grown in size since that morning, and there was no doubt that they would keep pouring in for the rest of the day.

Hours passed as he sat at his desk, only stepping away from his work for a quick supper when he was unable to ignore the loud grumbling in his stomach. His headache was consistent but bearable as he reviewed reports and training plans for the new recruits, his work keeping his mind distracted enough so that he wouldn’t focus on the painful throbbing that had now spread to his neck and shoulders. He had made decent progress on the reports and was seriously considering staying up to finish the rest when a knock sounded at his door.

“Come in.”

A scout entered his office and saluted before showing him a single report, along with a package wrapped in thick parchment paper. “These arrived for you a few minutes ago, Commander.”

Judging by the dim lighting visible through the open door, dusk was quickly approaching, which meant this was probably the last report he would get for the rest of the evening.

Cullen nodded at the scout, gesturing to the last few reports on his desk. “You can leave them there. Thank you.”

“Ser.” The scout saluted once more before leaving his office, closing the door behind him.

Cullen groaned as he stretched, his hands coming up to rub the back of his neck. The pain was starting to be relentless, but at least he didn’t seem to have a fever this time. The exhaustion from not sleeping at all last night was starting to come over him. It was rare when he had a decent night’s rest free of nightmares or withdrawal, and it seemed he would have no such fortune tonight.

He decided to retire early so he could have a head start with his duties in the morning. Even if he was unable to sleep, he would at least be free from his armor and resting in bed for a few hours.

He grunted as he pushed himself out of the chair he rarely used and froze when his gaze settled on the new report the scout had just delivered. He reached over and picked it up, his eyes looking over the familiar script as he brought it closer.

It was from Lily. A quiet chuckle left him as he recognized her informal signature. She never signed reports with her official title, no matter how much Josephine told her to do so. He smiled softly at the familiar combination of cursive and print and silently prayed she was safe and well.

> _Commander,_
> 
> _I am pleased to report the group calling themselves “Freemen of the Dales” have been cleared out from Argon’s Lodge. Fairbanks and the refugees previously residing in Watcher’s Reach have arrived safely and are settling in nicely – they have started to trade and have the supplies they need. Their territory has been placed under the protection of the Inquisition._
> 
> _Everything has been going well._
> 
> _I have included a bag containing Prophet’s Laurel and Embrium flowers. I’ve read they treat headaches very well. I hope you find them useful._
> 
> _~~-I-~~ We’ll be just fine. _
> 
> _-Lily_

He brushed a thumb over the letter Lily had scratched out and reread the last few sentences of her report, feeling surprised at having been in her thoughts while she was away. He wasn’t oblivious to the way she has kept her distance from him since they met in Haven, especially after the way he had reacted when she chose to ally with the mages to seal the breach. Maker, she had even been under the impression that he had a problem with _her_. It was something he has cursed himself for since then, despite explaining himself and apologizing to her when she confronted him afterwards.

A sudden thought occurred to him. Was she sending him this because she didn’t want his… _problem_ to get in the way of his duties? He sighed deeply as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair. Maker, he hoped that wasn’t the case.

He thought back to when he had chosen to inform Lily about his decision to stop taking lyrium, a few days after they had arrived at Skyhold. Part of him had been hesitant to tell her - he didn’t want her opinion of him to be any less than it probably already was. But as the newly named leader of the Inquisition, she had the right to know in case he became unfit to lead her armies. He had avoided her gaze, not wanting to see her expression as the words left him, and stared at his old lyrium kit instead. Lily’s panicked tone as she had voiced her concern for him was what made him raise his head to look at her. There had been nothing but worry visible in her face, and his chest ached at having been the cause of it. Her warm, brown eyes had been locked on his, hands slightly raised as if she wanted to reach out to him.

It was the longest Lily had ever held his gaze.

Cullen still remembered how she had swallowed before stating her respect for his decision, despite some hidden emotion in her eyes he couldn’t quite identify. The more he thought about it, the less likely it seemed she would send him healing herbs for the sole purpose of keeping him focused on his work. Hope began to sprout in his chest at the thought that it could be something more.

…Unless he was overthinking the situation. One of first things he noticed about Lily was how caring she was - she was always collecting herbs for Adan in Haven and helped the healers with anything they needed, from healing small injuries to simply delivering new supplies for the injured whenever she was able to. She was always willing to assist people whenever she could, even if it meant her own well-being would come in second. Perhaps that’s what all of this was.

His thoughts came to a complete halt as he remembered Cole’s cryptic words from earlier. Cullen had been absolutely clueless as to what he had been talking about, but… had Cole been referring to Lily? Cullen’s brows furrowed at the hope that now bloomed in chest despite his uncertainty. It was too much to hope for - he really shouldn’t get ahead of himself. His thoughts were pure speculation, after all.

He looked at the package on his desk for a few seconds before picking it up. There was something soft inside, and could hear a slight crinkling as he pulled at the thick twine to unwrap it. The parchment revealed a thick, deep blue knitted fabric with bits of twig other debris stuck to the yarn. When he removed the wrapping completely, he immediately recognized it as the bag Lily had often carried around in Haven. He felt foolish at just how much her gesture touched him. She probably just didn’t have anything else to store the herbs in, that’s all.

A faint, herbal scent reached his nose - mint? - before it was replaced by the distinctive, soothing aromas of Embrium and Prophet’s Laurel as he opened Lily’s bag. The scents alone were enough to faintly calm the ache in his shoulders.The herbs were slightly dried, each sprig and flower carefully wrapped in thin paper. His hand moved gently over the blue fabric as he briefly thought about writing her a letter to express his gratitude before he remembered she would be arriving in two days. He felt his heart beat a little faster when he realized he would be able to thank her then.

Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck before scooping up Lily’s bag. He hoped the healers hadn’t retired early even though he knew it was highly unlikely. They had been tending to injured soldiers and refugees nonstop since they first arrived at Skyhold.

The evening was crisp and cool during his short walk to the infirmary. He was relieved to see the healers were still working despite the area being quieter than usual with most of the patients already asleep on their cots. Hopefully, his request wouldn’t be too much trouble. He spotted Adan in the far side of the room preparing a few potions and walked over to him.

Adan’s flat stare when Cullen asked him to prepare the remedy Lily recommended had caught him by surprise. It turned out this was the same treatment the healers had wanted him to take for his headaches since they arrived in Skyhold, which he constantly refused. Cullen had tried to ignore the awkwardness of the situation as he sheepishly handed Lily’s bag over, and noticed Adan’s brief pause as a look of realization flashed across his face when he saw the bag filled with herbs. The knowing look he had given Cullen caused him to shift uncomfortably as the remedy was prepared.

It turned out to be a simple tea, easy enough for Cullen to prepare in his own office whenever he needed it. The brew wouldn’t treat the rest of his withdrawal symptoms, but treating the pain would be enough. The calming scent wafted throughout his quarters as he removed his armor for the night and the throbbing ache he had been feeling all day seemed to have lessened slightly. A groan escaped him as he rolled his shoulders, finally free from the heavy weight of his armor and walked toward his bed. He couldn’t help but feel comforted at that moment and he knew he had Lily to thank for it. Her concern for his well-being along with the reassuring words in her report had left him feeling calmer, almost as if he had a sense of peace for the first time in many years. The cool breeze coming in from his roof had quickly cooled the tea to a comfortable temperature and he drained the mug in a few gulps before stretching out on his bed with a groan. The tea made a pleasant warmth spread throughout his body and he looked at Lily’s blue bag on his nightstand before he stared at the night sky through his damaged roof, feeling his eyelids begin to grow heavy.

It felt like only seconds had passed before he began to feel the pain begin to recede and he released a deep sigh of relief, sending Lily a mental thank you as he closed his eyes.

~~~

Cullen was in his office, holding Lily’s bag as he anxiously waited for everyone to arrive from their recent mission. He was unsure of what he would say to her, but he knew a simple ‘thank you’ would not be sufficient for her thoughtfulness towards him. He had a talent for fumbling for words when he needed them the most and he hoped he wouldn’t make a fool of himself when he spoke to her.

He decided to distract himself with his work and had managed to go over a few reports when he heard the loud horn signaling the arrival of Lily and her party. Nervousness settled in his stomach as he gently grasped the soft, blue pouch and walked out of his office. His eyes scanned the commotion of the courtyard below from the stone bridge. He felt his heart skip a beat when he finally spotted her standing next to her horse as she spoke to Varric, Blackwall and Solas. She broke away from the group after a moment and began to lead her horse toward the stables. He fidgeted with the soft fabric in his hands. Should he thank her now, or wait until later? He released a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and proceeded to head to the stables.

Varric’s satisfied grin was impossible to miss when Cullen passed him on the front steps holding Lily’s bag, and Cullen chose to not comment on it as he felt warmth seep into his cheeks.

His pace was quick as he descended the steps that led to the stables and the nervousness in his stomach grew when the barn came into view. He came to a gradual stop when he spotted Lily. Her back was to him, and she was brushing her horse’s mane while feeding it a large apple with her free hand. A smile tugged at his lips when he heard the horse’s loud crunching.

The scent of hay filled his nose as Cullen walked closer to the stables, his steps slow as he remembered Cole’s words from a few days ago. Hope now filled his chest despite him knowing he probably interpreted the whole situation incorrectly. Even though he wasn’t going to blurt out his feelings for her, he did want Lily to know how much he appreciated her help. Nothing would happen between them, but perhaps this could be his chance to try and establish the beginnings of friendship instead of the professional one they had now. Maker knew that would be more than he deserved.

Cullen’s hands fidgeted nervously with Lily’s bag, and his heart pounded in his chest as he took a deep breath.

“Inquisitor?”

Lily’s hand hesitated in the horse’s mane before she turned, a few loose strands from her braid framing her face. Stunning, honey eyes met his as her lips parted in surprise, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <3


End file.
